I did not realize blog posts had tag lines. The one from the theme I chose was Random Thoughts. These are anything but random thoughts. These are things I have been thinking about daily, forever.So I stole my tagline from a podcast I listened to on January 1st. From Roseann Cash no less. Thick skin and an Open Heart. Her entire podcast spoke to me. She validated in me my desire to write this blog. She spoke about being believed. About childhood trauma, about how it takes a toll on your life. To be very clear I was not sexually assaulted when I was a child. But I did grow up with a father who was devastatingly violent to my mom. I was a witness to countless acts of utter brutality and it is the unspoken truth inside of me that has made me want to start this blog.
And then a friend of mine posted on FB about being a teacher and how some kids cannot wait to get back to school. The break was an unsafe place to be. I was that kid once.
I was in 8th grade. It was our first Christmas in our new home. I finally got up the courage to call the cops on my dad. He was beating the shit out of my mom and I could not take it anymore. They came to the door. No one believed me. My dad closed the door. He did not touch me. But he threw out every single Christmas present onto the lawn to be ruined in the snow. I had come from a Catholic school to a suburban school and clothes were everything. I could not go back to school without new clothes. So I tried to fake a temperature. He caught me. He made me go back to school with nothing new to show. As if I was not worthy. Thick skin was starting to grow.
I was the oldest of 4 girls. It was the first time I went up against him. I don’t think he expected it. It would set the stage. I would still pretend everything was okay but I was determined to get the hell out. The devastation that domestic violence puts upon a family is for a lifetime.
So this is what I really started this blog for. To bear my soul. About my childhood.
Love you, Christine.💕🤟